Old-School Parenting

So, I’m riding the chair-lift up the mountain over a ski run and I hear a father yelling at his child to “get off your bum now or I’m going.”

I sent love to the father and son, I imagined them enjoying a harmonious and loving relationship and a happy day skiing together. I don’t know what happened but I saw the little boy get up.

I thought about the effect of the father’s words, I felt them, hardly encouraging, quite threatening and scary to a young child who was obviously having trouble staying up on his skis. It reminded me of the effects of midwifing someone using gentle, leading and guiding words versus the old school way of shame, humiliation and bullying.

Answer: Moving from an “old school” style of parenting/coaching (particularly if that’s how you were raised) to midwifing from a loving, aware place is a huge step, but achievable.

Meditation: I practise loving kindness and encouragement in a challenging situation. I give thanks for the harmonious relationships in our family. I respond rather than react and my behaviour transcends the “old school” way I was parented.

The Upshot

My son Jackson, who is doing advanced snowboard training, has two coaches. One of them coaches from the “old school” of bullying and fear, and the other from a supportive and nurturing space.

We’d been helping Jackson with the side-effects of the “old school” coach for the last few days – anxiety, deflated self-esteem and fear. Then below me is this scene. It reminded me of how blessed I am to have consciously transcended the “old school” approach to parenting, especially as this is how I was raised. On that lift, I gave thanks for the harmonious relationships in our family.

Later that day, Jackson was particularly and noticeably supportive of my position with another young man in my care. I was gently discouraging him from eating lollies. I gave him details about why it wasn’t a good idea and offered him some alternatives. That Jackson supported me in encouraging his peer to make healthier eating choices validated my resolve to parent from a consciously loving space.

I felt that the effects of parenting/coaching from this loving perspective has the advantage of developing trust between parent/child, coach/student (which I’ve seen between Jackson and the coach that operates like that) and that is a good thing!

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Jane Hardwicke Collings is a wise and spirited independent midwife, and the author of Ten Moons – The Spiritual Journey of Pregnancy, Preparation For Natural Birth. Visit her at Moonsong.com.au